


twenty eight

by provisionl3



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Married Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Parenthood, Suicidal Thoughts, baby showers and nesting !!!!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:36:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/provisionl3/pseuds/provisionl3
Summary: twenty-seven. that’s the number of adoptions that had fallen through on harry and louis. twenty-seven times that harry has had his heart and soul crushed. twenty-seven was just enough times to break his spirit, but louis insisted on keeping hopeful. one more try couldn’t hurt, could it?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	1. one

Daylight bled through the blinds and Harry’s heavy eyelids struggled open. His eyes were puffy from hours of crying and his legs were tangled with the muscular legs of his husband in the bed next to him. He groaned softly and made a mental note to buy black-out curtains. He wanted to shut the entire world out. Rolling closer to Louis, he buried his face in the bare, tattooed-skin of his shoulder. Louis shifted and yawned as his blue eyes fluttered open. He looked down to see his husband curled as close as humanly possible to him. A small smile spread across his lips at the sight, but it was soon replaced with a look of concern. The night before was a bad night for Harry, full of tears and heartache and anger. The brown-haired man looked feeble in his husband’s arms and it made Louis’ heart break.

“Are you awake, love…?” Louis whispered as he raked his fingers through the greasy mess that was Harry’s hair. Harry grunted and shook his head, earning a weak laugh from Louis. The older boy pulled the covers aside and sighed softly.

“C’mon, H… Let’s go have some breakfast,” he suggested. Harry curled into a ball on the mattress, pulling his knees close to his chest. He shook his head silently. His condition worried Louis: dark circles under his eyes, chapped lips, dried tears on his cheeks. Harry hadn’t been out of bed since they got the call. Louis sat on the edge of the bed and gently placed a hand on Harry’s back, rubbing circles into the tan, smooth skin.

“Sweetheart, I know it’s hard… Trust me, I’m gutted, but you’re wasting away in this bed,” Louis whispered, “We’ve got to get you up…”

A weak whimper escaped from the younger man as his green eyes opened. He looked so tired and so small, it frightened Louis. Pulling Harry to his chest, Louis leaned against the headboard and cradled his husband.

“I know rejection hurts, honey, but we’ve got to keep trying… We’re so close, though. We’re almost there…” Louis hummed. He rocked his husband in his arms, tears burning his eyes as he watched the pathetic boy melt into his touch.

Twenty seven. That’s the amount of adoptions that had fallen through on Harry and Louis in the past ten years. Twenty seven times that Harry has had his heart and soul crushed. Twenty seven was just enough times to break his spirit. Harry was resilient at first. At 18 years old, he was optimistic. He was hopeful, bright-eyed. It was his dream: becoming a dad. Louis was nervous but excited, only twenty years old. He wanted more than anything to start a family with Harry and see him at his happiest. Now, at 28 and 30, all they had was an empty nursery. 

Harry’s frail body shook with sobs as Louis held him. He was desperate for comfort, for relief.

“I’m just so tired, Lou… It was supposed to happen this time! It was our turn!” Harry cried weakly, his chest heaving with every breath. Louis nodded silently as tears rolled down his cheeks. Rejection hurt, cold-feet hurt, and last-minute changes hurt, but nothing hurt as bad as seeing Harry devastated.

“I know, Haz, but we’re gonna keep trying…”

“I don’t know if I want to,” Harry croaked, his throat raw and his voice weaker than ever. Louis frowned and shook his head wildly. There was no way Harry was done trying. Having a big family was his dream, all he talked about from the time they started dating all those years ago. There was no way.

“Babe, you don’t mean that… You’re just hurting right now…”

Harry only shrugged in reply.

Louis sighed shakily and wiped his eyes, setting Harry back on the white sheets. He couldn’t bear to see Harry in such a depressed state, it was agony. Harry collapsed on the pillow and pulled the duvet over his head to block out the growing rays of sunlight. They had received their twenty-seventh call notifying them that the biological mother had decided to keep the baby over a week ago, meaning Harry hadn’t showered, hadn’t had water, hadn’t been out of bed in a week. 

“Harry, you’ve got to get up… I need you, honey, please. How about I run you a shower and we’ll wash that beautiful hair of yours?” Louis sniffled, wiping his nose and standing from the mattress. The duvet pulled away from Harry’s face.

“Will you wash it for me?”

Louis smiled sadly. There was his Harry.

“Of course, love. I’ll condition it, plait it, everything,” Louis mused, stretching out his hand to the feeble boy in the bed. A miserable and forced smile staggered across the tan boy’s face as he took it. Harry slowly stood, half of his weight being put onto Louis, who acted as a crutch for the taller man. Louis pressed a kiss to Harry’s temple and led him to the bathroom for a much needed shower. 

Harry peeled off his well-worn track bottoms as Louis’ tattooed arm reached into the shower, turning the dial to Harry’s preferred temperature: boiling. He shut the glass door to build up a sauna before turning to Harry, who sat naked on the closed toilet seat. He held his head in his hands, his thoughts too heavy to hold his head up. Louis sighed and squatted in front of him. Gently, he lifted Harry’s chin to meet his eyes.

“Hey, I’m so proud of you, you know it? So, so proud…” Louis whispered, his eyes glassy as he scanned Harry’s face. He tried so desperately to read the millions of thoughts bouncing behind the green eyes of his husband, but he only found sadness. Harry nodded and swallowed thickly, managing to whisper a small thank you.

“I love you, more than words can describe. Even if it’s just us, love, we’re still a family,” Louis pressed a gentle kiss to Harry’s forehead and Harry’s eyes fell shut again, his lip quivering as he nodded once more. Louis sighed and started to undress as well. He pulled Harry from his seat and opened the glass door, letting a wall of steam roll out. Harry stepped in and leaned against the tile wall as he let the water caress his skin. Louis followed close behind. 

Harry slowly sunk to the ground, sitting with his knees pulled tightly to his chest as the water overtook him. Without a word, Louis grabbed Harry’s shampoo, conditioner, and body soap and sat next to him. In the past when Harry’s depression was bad, this was something all too familiar. When Harry struggled, Louis would climb in the shower and do all the work. His boy meant the world to him, and he would walk the earth to take care of him.

Placing soft kisses on the boy’s wet shoulders and back, Louis pumped shampoo into his hands and began to massage the long, brown hair of his husband. He scrubbed and made sure to create a perfect lather like Harry loved as he whispered sweetly to him.

“I’m so proud of you, love... “

Harry’s body shook with weak sobs as Louis conditioned his curls and used a loofah to clean his skin, his fragile frame sinking into strong, tattooed arms. Even after he was clean, they sat in the steam and the warmth in silence. Only the sound of running water and broken-hearted sobs surrounded them.

The water began to run cool and Louis stood, helping Harry to his feet and leading him out of the shower. He pulled the fluffy, plush towel from where he placed it on the radiator and wrapped it around Harry tightly. After wrapping his own towel around his waist, he grabbed the last towel and a brush along with a few hair-ties. Louis led Harry to their bed where he sat down to dry and plait his hair. The older man had used his husband’s long locks to practice for when they had their daughter, but now his practice was a bitter-sweet memory. Two french plaits lay against Harry’s head and Louis littered the back of his head with soft kisses before he stood to grab Harry a clean outfit. 

Soon, Harry was sitting upright in bed, dressed in clean grey joggers and a jumper and drinking from his full water bottle. Louis sat next to him and smiled softly, taking hold of one of his hands.

“How about a late breakfast, Haz? What sounds nice?” Louis coaxed. He knew the response he was going to receive. Harry had been turning down food. He wasn’t hungry; nothing sounded good. He received a shrug in response, making him sigh and nod.

“I’ll make you some cereal… Coco Pops,” Louis smiled and gave Harry’s hand a quick squeeze. Harry nodded a little,

“Okay, Lou… I love you forever, okay?”

Louis smiled and nodded, kissing his forehead.

“Forever and ever, H.”

When Louis went downstairs, the kitchen was a disaster. Take-out containers and pizza boxes littered the counter and empty whiskey bottles clinked in the bin as Louis attempted to change the liner. The past week hadn’t been easy on either of them. Harry was the cook in the house, and with him constantly in bed, they relied on delivery for most of their meals. And when they weren’t hungry, the men had cocktails for dinner. It was unhealthy, sure, but they felt as if it was warranted. Louis quickly attempted to tidy the counters and started to pour Harry’s breakfast into a bowl.

Carefully toting two sloshing bowls, Louis crept upstairs to their bedroom. He used his toe to nudge open the door, his tongue poking out in concentration. He walked in slowly and gave Harry a gentle smile as he navigated the obstacle course of dirty laundry on the bedroom floor.

“Bon appetit, honey,” he joked, setting a bowl and a spoon on Harry’s bedside table. On the dark, wood surface sat a small white postcard decorated with oranges, green leaves, and orange blossoms. The card read:

“Our little cutie is on their way.”

An unsent baby shower invitation. The baby shower that Gemma and Anne had been planning for Harry. Louis’ heart panged with guilt as he brushed the card aside. Harry forced a weak smile as Louis climbed into the bed with him, nestling into his side and leaning his head on his shoulder. Louis grabbed his cereal and began to eat. The TV was on with a baking show in the background to occupy Harry’s busy mind, but the distraction obviously wasn’t working. Harry fidgeted with the silver spoon and rested his weary head in the crook of Louis’ neck. The wispy curls that had escaped his plaits tickled the underside of Louis’ chin.

“Do you think I’m supposed to be a dad, Lou? What if I’m not supposed to be a dad?” Harry whispered after a few moments, breaking the sullen silence between the men. Louis, who had a mouthful of Coco Pops, swallowed and coughed lightly. The statement caught him off guard.

“Babe, you were born to be a dad… Our baby is just waiting for the perfect timing. Those other times weren’t meant to be… They weren’t ours,” Louis said gently, not wanting to upset Harry more. He slowly sat his bowl on his side table and noticed that Harry’s was untouched and becoming soggy. Harry nodded slightly and sighed as he wrapped his arm loosely around Louis’ waist.

“Sorry I wasted your cereal… Not hungry,” Harry muttered, closing his eyes. Louis shook his head and planted a firm kiss on the top of his head. 

“No more sorries, love,” he whispered and pulled him into a tight hug.

“I just thought this was the time, Lou… How could she change her mind at 8 and a half months?! It’s not fair,” Harry whimpered, his eyes clenched shut as if the thought pained him. Louis bit his lip.

“I know, H, but… Just think about how much we want our baby… That mummy wanted her baby too…” Louis whispered, tears threatening to fall once more. He was so fucking tired of crying. He was handling it better than his husband, but fuck. Louis’ heart was broken and he was so excited to be a Papa. Now, only 15 days away from the due date, he had to mourn the loss of a relationship with a child he never met and see his beloved Harry in so much pain. All week he had tried so hard to pretend to be okay, but after a night of not enough sleep and holding his crying lover in his arms, he was starting to crack.

A pained, restricted sob crashed through Louis’ chest and startled Harry, who shot up from his place on Louis’ shoulder. His green eyes were wide as dinner plates as he stared at his husband in shock. He had seen the man cry only a handful of times, and it was never an easy sight.

“Louis… I, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry, love,” Harry whimpered, pulling the older man close. Louis’ incoherent cries filled the room and evoked similar emotion in Harry, leaving the men in a knot of heartbreak and tears. A few minutes lead to the sobs settling and silence taking over once more. The cereal on the side tables went soggy as the men curled up with each other, hiding under their duvet to grieve for yet another child they had loved but never held.

  
  



	2. two

The next couple days were just as painful. Louis drank whiskey more than water and Harry’s body couldn’t produce any more tears. The all too familiar hurt dulled into misdirected anger. Another day wasted away, the clock striking ten p.m. and Louis’ crystal glass was empty once again. He had downed half of a brand new bottle of alcohol, and Harry was in his bed, alone. Louis stumbled upstairs, his hair disheveled and his head fuzzy from the drinks. His footsteps fell heavy on the wooden stairs and his presence was made known to the younger man. The door swung open and Louis wandered in, pulling off his shirt and throwing it on the ground. He hiccupped, not even acknowledging Harry.

The curly-haired man sat in their bed, cradling a small stuffed lamb and looking feeble. His eyes were sunken in from numerous sleepless nights and his cheeks looked gaunt. He was nearly unrecognizable.

“Lou…” Harry croaked, his cheeks damp with tears, “Are you drunk?”

Louis’ head whipped to Harry’s direction and a harsh glare was blazened on his face. Harry’s brow furrowed, which was an expression that seemed to permanently reside on his face. Louis stripped down to his boxers.

“What’s it fuckin’ matter, H?” 

His harsh tone took Harry by surprise. His gentle husband never spoke to him that way. Harry’s bottom lip trembled, but he bit it to hold back tears. 

“I-I was just asking, don’t snap at me,” Harry growled. His head was throbbing and his throat was raw, and he felt so angry. Angry at the world, angry at Louis, angry at himself. Louis quite obviously felt the same. 

“Why do you fucking care? You cope in your ways, I cope in mine. You sit on your ass, I get knackered,” Louis spat. His fists were clenched at his sides and his jaw was clenched with tension. Harry stared at him with wide eyes, hurt visible on his face. Louis didn’t care, he paced the floor as Harry’s eyes bore a hole into his back.

“You’re fucking cruel, Louis. What the fuck is wrong with you? My baby was stolen from me, and you want to make me feel like shit about being sad?” Harry’s voice was as sharp and pointed as a dagger, but Louis took zero time in responding.

“Our baby, Harry. You’re so fucking selfish, you know that? I’m hurting too, and I have to do it by myself! Have you fucking thought about that? I’m out here on my fucking own!”

Harry’s eyes burned with tears. He was so dehydrated that there was barely anything to fall but he felt the fiery urge building in his upper chest. Louis’ turned to face Harry, the silence in the room violent.

“If that’s how you feel, Louis, I’m sorry,” Harry forced through a veil of tears. How could his loving husband turn his back on him at a time like this? He knew Louis was drunk and hoped to god that he was just angry, not meaning the words that fell from his mouth. But, the feeling that Louis’ wasn’t just saying these things weighed on Harry’s shoulders like a boulder. “I didn’t realize that I was such a burden to you. I didn’t know that I was grieving incorrectly,” Harry hissed, standing up from the bed for the first time in a long while.

Louis’ eyes met Harry’s and the hurt on his face instantly sobered him. What the fuck were they doing? Why were they fighting each other over something that they were suffering through together? Louis’ gruff expression softened to a sympathetic one as he slowly approached Harry. Harry’s soft cries intensified as he stepped backwards to avoid his husband’s touch. Louis whimpered and held his arms out for the shuddering man in front of him.

“Haz, honey… I’m sorry, I was just so angry… I… I didn’t mean that shit, I promise,” Louis pleaded, Harry’s weak sobs overflowing his body with guilt, “Please, c’mere… Let me make it better, sun.”

Sobs racked through Harry’s frail frame as he tightly clutched the soft toy in his fists.

“F-Fuck off, Louis,” He spat, the words tasting like poison of his tongue. Louis’ heart panged and he sunk down onto the mattress. Harry’s figure disappeared into the dark hallway and Louis was left alone with the buzz in his head and the ache in his chest.

Harry’s feet carried him without his brain’s direction. On autopilot, he ended up at the end of the corridor in a small, light yellow room. The man’s legs gave way as he fell to his knees on the plush white rug. His body erupted with raspy, strained wails. His entire body hurt, his mind raced, and all he wanted was to scream. That’s what he did. He screamed until his throat felt like it was full of fire ants, until he felt like he could fall unconscious, until his voice was gone. His fists pounded the floor as he looked around the nursery. A room that should’ve been so full of love, so full of life was dull. It was empty, and Harry had never related to anything more. He was empty.

His body felt so heavy, like he was filled with bricks. After struggling to his feet, Harry pushed down the lowering side of the white wooden crib that was nestled under a big window. The window had the perfect view of the moon and the stars. The moon and the stars were supposed to watch over his precious little one. Yet there they were, shining down on an empty mattress. Empty. Weakly, Harry’s body collapsed into the bed where his baby was supposed to be and his knees curled tightly to his chest. He sobbed silently into his knees and held the lamb to his heart, begging the stars and the moon for just a little more light.

Louis sat on the edge of their king-sized bed with his hands tugging at his hair in distress. He heard Harry’s desperate screams and felt completely helpless. Where the hell had they gone wrong? He stood, still wobbly on his feet, and followed the noise to find his husband. The men had been married for ten years, but had been in love for so much longer, and there was no way he was going to let a bottle of whiskey fuck it all up. He tiptoed across the wood floors and approached the open nursery door, his stomach dropping the instant he saw his sweet Harry curled up in the baby’s bed. The boy that he loved, the boy that he has loved for a lifetime, was broken, and he made it worse. His stomach lurched and he had to clench his jaw to attempt to quell the nausea. Harry’s weak sobs were barely audible, even in the complete silence.

“Sun, I’m so sorry… Please forgive me,” Louis whispered as he slowly approached the crib. Harry’s back faced him and he was given no response, but the younger man’s body quivered with another weak cry. Louis squatted next to the bed and sighed shakily, tears running down his own face at this point. He didn’t know when he started to cry, he hadn’t even noticed. Harry rolled to face Louis, and it was in that moment that Louis realized how much had changed. He remembered the sweet, chubby cheeks of the sixteen-year-old that he fell for. Those cherubic features were now replaced with chiseled cheekbones that were sunken in and hollow. His baby Haz from all those years ago had grown up, but he needed him now more than ever.

Louis’ face fell and he couldn’t resist scooping the golden-skinned boy into his arms. He wept with his husband in his arms and held him tight to his chest. Harry, although his feelings were beyond hurt, melted into the arms of his lover. Louis was his protector, his comfort, even when he was the reason for his pain. Even though their whole world was falling apart, they still had each other.

“I’m sorry for being nasty, Lou… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it… I was hurt, I shouldn’t have snapped back like that,” Harry croaked. His throat was so raw that his voice was nearly non-existent. Louis shook his head and buried his face in Harry’s hair, which was still in fraying plaits.

“No, honey… I deserved every single word. I’m so sorry, I am so, so sorry,” Louis cried, his grip tightening even more. Typical Harry, apologizing for Louis’ fuck-ups. Harry’s weary head rested on Louis’ shoulder and he closed his eyes. Louis stood with the boy still in his arms, noticing how light he felt and wincing. He carried him back to their bedroom and placed him gently in the bed, placing soft kisses all over his tired face. Even after all of the shit, all of the venom spewed that night, Harry gave Louis the kindest, softest smile.

“I love you forever, Louis…”

Louis couldn’t help but smile back.

“And I love you for always, sun.” 

Louis crawled into the bed next to his love and pulled him closer. He sighed shakily and closed his eyes. Tomorrow is a new day, he thought, tomorrow we will try again. Harry’s gentle hand caressed Louis’ stubbly cheek and his heart melted into a puddle in his chest. He was never alone in the struggle, Louis realized. Harry was here all along.

Sleep came easy after the night that the men had. When the morning sun climbed through the sky, letting beams through the window, Harry was the first to open his eyes. For the first time in two and a half weeks, Harry climbed out of bed with no coaxing and no bribes. He puttered to the windows, slowly drawing the blinds and letting the spring sunshine flood the room. A groan fell from Louis’ mouth as he was bombarded by the brightness and he reached his tattooed arm to search for Harry next to him. His heart dropped when he felt the empty, crumpled sheets. His eyes shot open and he sat up quickly to search the room for Harry. He was surprised to see his sweet husband standing at the closet and picking out an outfit.

“Harry, are you alright?” Louis asked, taking a deep, relieved breath. Harry turned and looked at him with a weak, sad smile.

“Hi, babe… Yeah, I’m okay… Just saw myself in the mirror and figured I’d shower quick,” he responded quietly. He still barely had a voice. Louis nodded and smiled a little, shocked. He was taken aback by his husband’s sudden motivation. He couldn’t help but feel guilty as he remembered the night before, hoping that his nasty words didn’t force Harry out of his grief. 

Harry disappeared to the bathroom and Louis rolled out of bed. The room around him was a total mess. Dirty laundry was scattered across the floor and falling out of the overflowing hamper. There was a chore that had been put off for way too long. Louis collected the clothes and shoved them deep into the basket before making the bed. The fluffy white duvet hadn’t been straightened in weeks and there was a divet where Harry’s body had dented the mattress. Louis fluffed the pillows and made the bed look neat. He knew that a neat home would help lift Harry’s spirits and it made him feel a spark under his ass to get this broken household back in order. The nick-nacks and picture frames on the shelves were straightened and the rubbish was thrown in the bin, the sun-lit room feeling like a whole different environment. 

From the hall closet, Louis grabbed the hoover and plugged it into the wall before doing a quick run through over the large area rug. By the time Harry was finished in the bathroom, the bedroom was spotless and the only evidence of mess was the mountain of wrinkled clothes. Harry stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and one around his head. He looked around the room and smiled softly as his eyes met Louis’ blue gaze.

“The room looks great, sweetheart… Thank you,” Harry whispered, his voice raspy from screaming. Louis walked to him and kissed him softly on the lips.

“Of course, sun. I’m so proud of you, you know?”

Harry shrugged.

“I realized that what you said last night was right… I’m wasting my time laying in self pity. If I want to be a dad, I have to be able to take care of myself.”

Louis frowned and kissed him once again. His fears were confirmed, Harry had taken his drunken words as a challenge. As an insult. He sighed softly and ran his thumb across Harry’s freshly washed cheek. The stubble that had been cultivating on his tanned face was gone and Louis could smell the familiar scent of his husband’s moisturizer. That moment felt so normal, yet so foreign at the same time. His heart fluttered at the thought of things being better, being the way they were before the rejection. Before the hurt. 

Harry forced another weak smile, dropping his towel and pulling on his clothes. The outfit was nothing extraordinary. A pair of joggers and a jumper, but it was progress compared to the crumpled pajamas that his body had dawned for too many days to count. Louis got himself dressed as well and hung Harry’s towels back on the rack in the bathroom.

The bathroom was just as messy as the bedroom and Louis scurried to tidy it up as well. He made a mental note to do a deeper clean after breakfast and picked up Harry’s hair brush off of the counter.

“Haz, do you want me to plait your hair?” Louis called out as he exited the bathroom. He was met with Harry sitting on the bed, holding the plush lamb in his lap and looking at it with glossy eyes. Louis smiled softly and sat next to him, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“So soon, that little lamb is gonna comfort our baby just like it does for you…” Louis whispered against his husband’s soft skin. Harry offered Louis a watery smile and nodded.

“Soon…”

Harry’s statement sounded skeptical but hopeful. He wanted it to be true more than anything in the whole world, but he wouldn’t get his hopes up. He wasn’t ready to be excited again just yet. Louis nodded and began to brush through and plait Harry’s long hair quickly. He finished and kissed his cheek.

“All done. Now, love, how about we go and eat some breakfast? You’ve not been eating much recently, we need to fill that belly of yours,” Louis instructed as he stood, grabbing Harry’s hand and pulling him up. Harry didn’t protest, not wanting to cause a fuss. The couple worked their way downstairs to the kitchen. Harry hadn’t been in that part of the house for almost a month and he winced at the state of it. The rubbish was overflowing and the counters were overrun with dishes. He instantly began to clean, Louis coming behind him and snaking his arms around the man’s waist.

“Let me handle this… You get something from the fridge.”

Harry sighed shakily and nodded as Louis cleaned up the kitchen. By the time Harry had decided on his breakfast, the kitchen was spotless. Harry sat at the table with a bowl of yogurt with berries and granola on top, Louis sitting down across from him with a bagel. 

“I want to get out today…” Harry said through a mouth full of granola.

“You’re sure, sun? You don’t have to push yourself, I promise. You’ve done so good today,” Louis frowned as he took a bite of his own breakfast. Harry nodded and exhaled deeply.

“I’ve been cooped up for almost a month now, Lou. I think it’s time… Maybe we could pop to the shop or go for a walk later. The weather is nice, today just feels right.”

Louis nodded hesitantly. They were running low on groceries anyway and the spring sunshine was warm, Harry had a good point. He decided that his husband was right. 

“Sure, that sounds great. We can do some food shopping after breakfast and then when we’re finished we’ll walk through the dog park. See some pups,” Louis smiled, earning the biggest smile he’d seen from Harry in a long while. Harry nodded with the spoon still in his mouth. Walking through the dog park was one of Harry’s favorite things, he loved to see all of the animals enjoying each other’s company and playing about. It was a little thing that always made him smile. 

The men finished breakfast and put Harry’s bowl in the dishwasher. Harry looked relieved at the clean kitchen and held Louis’ hand tightly, kissing his cheek.

“Thank you so much… I didn’t mean to let things get this bad, baby. You’re too good to me,” He sighed softly. Louis tutted and shook his head. 

“No more. Let’s get our shoes on and get some errands done.”

The boys drove to their local grocery store with the car windows down. The fresh air was refreshing, Harry nearly sticking his head out of the window to inhale the sweet breeze of springtime in Doncaster. He had moved there from Holmes Chapel after he and Louis got engaged when Harry was only 18 and nothing beat the simple life they had created in the small town. The small two-story house that they had fallen in love with nearly eleven years ago was still their home, full of memories. Harry smiled warmly at the thought, remembering their first night in the house.

Harry was stirring a pot on the hob as Louis continued to unpack their mismatched china plates. Louis’ mum had donated their first round of groceries, insisting on filling their cupboards. The pasta sauce simmered and Louis sniffed, making a few dramatic noises.

“Smells delicious, darling,” a twenty-year old, baby faced Louis cooed, placing kisses on the younger boy’s neck. Harry giggled giddily, the brush of Louis’ lips on his neck tickling and causing him to shiver. 

“I’m glad, ‘coz it came from a can,” Harry giggled as the timer for the pasta chimed. Louis rolled his eyes and laughed as he put away the last of the cutlery.

“You cheeky little monkey,” Louis laughed.

The car rolled to a stop and Harry was pulled from the happy memory, from before all the hurt. Louis grabbed his wallet and pulled the keys out of the ignition, turning to face his husband.

“Ready to shop, babes? I’ve got a list in my pocket,” Louis said, rubbing Harry’s thigh gently. Harry nodded and it was obvious that his head was in the clouds. Louis laughed sadly, “Earth to space cadet… You in there?” 

Harry shook his head and forced a soft smile.

“Yeah, yeah… I’m here. Sorry, just thinking.”

Louis nodded and kissed his temple before getting out of the car. Harry got out of the car and pulled his sunglasses over his eyes, meeting Louis around the back of the car. Louis took his hand and grabbed their reusable shopping bags from the boot. They walked into the grocery store, things finally starting to feel normal again.

Food shopping took under an hour and after dropping their purchases off at the house, the men prepared to go for a walk in the dog park. Harry was visibly excited as they walked down the pavement, Louis giggling at the first genuine, happy smile he had seen from his husband in weeks. The park was nothing special, a large grassy field surrounded by a concrete walking path. People and their pets littered the green patch of grass as they threw tennis balls and frisbees, Harry glancing at Louis with a cheeky grin.

“I want a puppy, Lou,” Harry said softly as they found their usual place on a metal bench. Louis laughed and nodded.

“I know, sun… You’ve only told me that a hundred times,” Louis teased, poking Harry’s side and earning a giggle from him. Harry shrugged.

“I thought maybe a hundred and one times would be enough to finally get one,” He huffed as he leaned his head on his husband’s shoulder. Louis tilted his head to look at Harry, finding a pout settled on his lips. He could literally never say no to a pouty Harry.

“Okay, H. We can get a puppy,” Louis gave in, although it didn’t really take that much convincing. Harry had wanted and begged for a puppy for years but they had always been busy with school and work. After the events of the past few weeks, Harry deserved a god damn puppy. The curly mop rocketed off of his shoulder in surprise.

“Wait, you’re serious?!” Harry questioned. His green eyes were alight with excitement and his lips curled into a smile. Louis grinned widely, his nose crinkling a bit as he laughed and nodded.

“Anything you’d like, baby. Of course.”

Harry hugged his husband tightly and whispered a million little thank you’s as they left their seats on the bench to walk a few laps in the park. Their fingers were intertwined and their arms swung as they walked, Harry unable to stop gabbing about a new puppy. He talked about the things they would need, where they would adopt from, and how fun it would be to bring him out for walks. Louis laughed to himself and listened happily, nothing felt better than hearing his love happy once more.

They walked for what felt like ages and took in the fresh Doncaster air, Harry’s scratchy voice the only reminder of their intense argument from the night before. They were happy, they were together, and they were healing. A terrible attempt at a joke from the taller man was interrupted by a buzzing mobile phone. Golden hand in pocket, he cleared his throat before pulling the vibrating device out. His eyes scanned the screen and his heart nearly stopped when he read the name on the caller ID. Harry’s breath hitched in his throat and he fell silent.

Louis stopped walking and frowned at his husband.

“Sun, what’s wrong? Who’s calling?”

A shaking hand held the phone in front of Louis’ face. The caller ID read Maggie Porter. Maggie had been their social worker for the past three years. Louis sucked in a deep breath and snatched the phone out of Harry’s hand, clicking the accept button and pressing the phone to his ear. He could see Harry’s good mood fading and he looked like his legs could give out at any moment. The tall man stumbled backwards to sit on a bench that was luckily located directly next to their position on the path.

“Hello?” Louis croaked nervously, his voice cracking as he plopped down next to Harry on the metal bench. Harry held his head in his hands as he attempted to calm his breathing.

“Oh, Louis? Is Harry alright?” The woman on the phone spoke quickly when she realized that the voice she was met with was not of the man she had dialed. Her voice was soft and warm, a thick Yorkshire accent lacing her concerned words. The two men loved the woman, who was only a few years older than them, even if all she seemed to do was deliver bad news. 

“Oh, yeah, he’s fine… He just- I… I didn’t want him to answer. What’s going on, Maggie?” Louis stammered and ran a hand through his hair. There couldn’t be more bad news, could there? Maggie seemed to sigh in relief on the other end of the phone.

“Great, I’m glad he’s alright… Louis, I have some big news… I know that things are still raw from the last go around, but this is huge,” Maggie said, excitement evident in her tone. Louis’ heart began to thrum in his chest at lightning speed. His hands began to sweat and his eyes welled with tears. Without the context, Harry saw these as signs of disaster. The curly-haired man’s eyes filled with panic.

“We have a baby coming, it’s kind of an emergency, out of the blue thing… Louis, I put you and Harry’s papers in as soon as I heard, and they’ve been approved. You and Harry could have a baby- your baby- in the next 48 hours. I know I should’ve called sooner, or called to make sure you were in, but I couldn’t wait. This was too big of an opportunity,” Maggie rambled. A shaking, tattooed hand flew to cover Louis’ mouth. He was speechless and Harry just stared, assuming the worst.

“Oh my god, Maggie… You- You’re kidding, right?” Louis forced the words from his throat. Maggie laughed, “Not kidding, Louis. If you guys are ready, it’s time.”

Louis inhaled deeply and tried to compose himself.

“I have to talk to H, but I think you know what the answer is. Thank you so much, I’ll call you right back.”

The line went dead and Louis looked at Harry with the biggest watery grin on his lips. The boy in front of him looked confused and panicked, his eyes full of tears. Harry’s bottom lip wobbled as Louis finally began to speak.

“It’s time, sun… They- Maggie found our baby. We could have our baby within the next two days,” Louis whispered, still in disbelief. Harry’s green eyes widened and he shook his head wildly. His hands shot up to hide his face as he burst into tears. He was so tired of crying, but these tears were so different. They were full of joy, full of relief. Harry and Louis were finally going to be Daddy and Papa.


	3. three

Louis wasted no time calling Maggie back as soon as they got back home. Harry’s demeanor was completely different as he floated up the stairs to the nursery. The shorter man followed close behind, a smile plastered across his face. He sat down in the white rocking chair in the corner of the room, Harry sitting on the rug at his feet. Louis dialed Maggie’s number and promptly put the phone on speaker. The dial tone rang three times before the line connected. 

“Maggie Porter, Doncaster DCF. How may I help you?” The social worker answered, her voice tight and professional. Louis cleared his throat before speaking.

“Hey, Maggie… It’s Louis and Harry Tomlinson. We came to a decision and we-” Louis was interrupted by a squeak from his husband who was curled up against his legs.

“Yes!”

Maggie laughed, typing audible over the phone.

“I figured as such. Well, things are nearly in order. I have more information for you guys if you want to meet me at the office. Things are moving quickly, pet. We’ve got lots to do in a little time.”

Harry looked up and grinned, nodding wildly. Louis could’ve burst at the sight of his husband so happy. His heart swelled as he fidgeted with his wedding band, Harry’s eyes glassy with tears.

“Of course, Maggie. When should we be there?” Louis asked, raising his hand to pet Harry’s messy plaits. Maggie flipped through a calendar before responding.

“I’m free now. Head on over when you’re ready.”

The call ended and Harry stood from the rug, awestruck. How had things gone from so dark to so bright in such a short time? It scared him, though. Usually, when things seemed too good to be true, they were. Louis saw the fear mingling with joy in his husband’s emerald green eyes and stood to pull him into a hug. Harry melted into Louis’ touch. 

“Papa… You’re gonna be a papa, Lou,” Harry whispered.

“I know, H… You’re gonna be a daddy… Aren’t you so excited?!” Louis grinned and pulled away to look into Harry’s teary eyes. Harry nodded wildly and looked around the nursery. The pastel yellow room was bright with sunlight and lunar-themed decor littered the walls. Only last night, these walls felt suffocating and taunting. Today, they felt promising. They felt comforting. It was all happening so fast that Harry could barely take it in.

“Well, love, we better get going to the office,” Louis said, grasping his husband’s hand and tugging him towards the door. Harry nodded and followed as they grabbed their keys to head out of the door.

The drive was filled with static, Harry’s excited giggles and words radiating throughout the vehicle as the Doncaster trees blurred past. His husband watched from the corner of his eye while he drove. He hadn’t seen Harry so happy in such a long time and it made his heart swell to the point of near-burst. Their dark silver car pulled into an empty car park and Louis looked at Harry over the top of his sunglasses.

“You ready, Curly?” He asked, a crooked grin settled across his lips. Harry nodded and smiled widely with bright eyes. He had never been so ready, he thought. Except for maybe when he was awaiting the wedding of his dreams nearly ten years ago. A baby-faced Harry, only eighteen, believed that he was put on the earth for one reason only: to be Louis Tomlinson’s husband. To be Harry Tomlinson. Now, after a decade, he knew that he was put on earth for two reasons. His reasons were to be Louis Tomlinson’s husband and a father to his own babies. His smile grew at the thought and he jumped out of the car. Louis met him and took his hand to lead him into the office.

The Doncaster Department for Children and Families office was a dull building. The walls were grey and empty in a waiting room filled with dark couches and shelves with brochures covering a wide range of topics. The two men had spent plenty of time in the waiting room, so Harry made himself at home. He sat on a sofa, his long legs crossed tightly and tapping impatiently. Louis approached a front desk where an older lady sat typing on a keyboard. She looked up and smiled politely.

“Hi, dearie… How can I help you?” She asked. Her skin was wrinkled and fair and her reddish-brown hair was tied into a neat, slick bun.

“Maggie wanted to speak with us… Could you tell her the Tomlinsons are here?” Louis grinned, glancing over his shoulder to see his husband typing furiously on his phone. He assumed he was texting his mum or sister. The receptionist nodded and stood from her chair.

“I’ll let her know you’re here, love. Go have a seat.”

Louis nodded and walked back to Harry, sitting next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. He knew that even though Harry was excited, there were underlying nerves. The tapping of his toes and the furrowed brow was a dead giveaway. His head leaned onto Louis’ shoulder and he sighed softly. Within minutes, Maggie bustled out into the waiting room.

“Darlings! So great to see you! Come, come, let’s go speak in my office,” She cooed as she shuffled folders and binders in her arms. The men stood quickly and walked hand in hand to the small room where Maggie worked. A chaotically messy desk was placed towards the back of the room with a computer screen glaring at the empty chair. The dark-blonde haired woman sat in the seat and motioned towards the chairs positioned across from her.

“So, I understand this is a lot of big news really quickly, guys… How are you feeling?” Maggie asked as she tapped on the keyboard to bring up the case file. That computer held the life stories of so many couples and so many children. Harry and Louis’ file must’ve been five kilometers long.

“We’re absolutely buzzin’, Maggie. Really. This is literally the best news ever,” Louis gushed. His cheeks nearly hurt from smiling. Harry nodded wildly in agreement, his green eyes contrasted by the dark circles under them. The younger man still looked tired from the past few weeks of despair but the joy radiated from him like sunbeams. A tattooed arm wrapped tightly around his waist like a safety belt. His husband gave him a reassuring squeeze and offered him a squinty grin. Louis knew that today was a dream come true for Harry, but he was still nervous. He had seen the happiness stolen from them plenty of times before, he had seen the rug yanked out from under their feet and he was terrified that they would have to go through it all once again. 

Maggie grinned, her manicured fingers flipping open two file folders: a familiar and worn blue folder that contained stacks of paperwork from the couples’ past endeavors with the DCF agency and a crisp new green folder that contained papers that looked freshly printed. 

“I am so happy to hear it, pet! So, let’s talk baby, hm?” She giggled, earning an excited sound from Harry, who sat up straighter in his seat. His golden-tanned hand gripped Louis’ inked one and squeezed tightly. Louis laughed softly and kissed his husband’s temple as their social worker began to speak once more.

“Our biological parents here are Abigail Kirkguard and Sean Brooks. Abigail is only sixteen and Sean is seventeen, both still students,” Maggie started, reading from a paper in the folder. “Abigail hid her pregnancy until she was nearly six months along, but all necessary medical checks have been done and she’s carrying a perfectly healthy little one. They’re asking for a closed adoption, but they would love to meet with you before the baby is born. She is due to be induced on Wednesday, so we could organize for you to meet her and Sean tomorrow or the day after.”

Harry nodded, his smile falling to a more concerned expression. Sixteen and seventeen? He remembered being that young, being so immature and having a baby seemed impossible. His mind wandered to what it would’ve been like to have such a responsibility when he was that age. Even with his old soul, there’s no way him and Louis would’ve been able to handle it. They still bickered over silly things, walked to school together, and had to ask their mums for money to go on dates. He silently thanked some god above that it was impossible for him to get pregnant, because with the way they were as teens, he surely would’ve had a few scares. His heart panged with sympathy for Abigail and Sean. Why had she hidden it? Why didn’t she feel safe enough to share her pregnancy with someone?

“Oh, bless her…” Harry managed, “So everything is going well with the pregnancy, though? Baby is healthy? Everything’s good? You're sure? ” 

His tone was nervous.

“Yes, the baby is absolutely perfect. We do know the gender, if you would like to know.”

Harry’s eyes lit up as he quickly turned to Louis, his facial expression begging for permission. Louis pushed a strand of hair behind H’s ear and nodded, smiling softly. 

“Yeah, let’s hear it…” Harry spoke. His voice was almost a whisper. Silently, he prayed over and over in his head: Please be a girl, please be a girl. Any baby would’ve been enough for Harry, he would’ve gratefully accepted a son with open arms. But, his dream was to be a daddy to a sweet, bouncing baby girl. He dreamed of frilly tutus, ballet lessons, unicorns and rainbows, and fingernail polish. He had always dreamed of his perfect little girl.

“Louis, Harry… You’re having a baby girl. Congratulations, loves!” Maggie clapped, shutting the files in front of her. Harry’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates with happy tears lining them. Louis’ head shot to see his husband’s reaction. He knew how much his husband wanted his baby girl and they were finally there. They finally were going to be girl dads. He threw himself into Harry’s arms, laughing a watery chuckle as he attempted to control his cries. 

“I will get ahold of Abigail and Sean to set up a meeting and we’ll be in touch about delivery. Be prepared for Wednesday though, they will want you at the hospital,” Maggie explained and stood from her place behind the desk. Harry and Louis stood as well, the older man reaching out for a handshake and the younger man pulling her into a tight hug. Harry spewed thank you’s uncontrollably as tears rolled down his golden cheeks. Maggie could only laugh, feeling the joy coursing through the young man’s body.

Back at home, Harry burst through the front door and danced through the entryway. His voice was light and airy as he sang, his shoes and jacket abandoned along the way. Louis followed close behind and placed the car keys on their hook.

“Oh my god, Lou! It’s actually happening! We have so much to do, babe!” Harry chirped excitedly and spun on his socked heel to face his husband. Louis nodded and smirked, snaking his arms around Harry’s waist.

“I know, love… Take it slow, yeah? We can start on that stuff in a little while, hm…” Louis said softly as he pressed a kiss to the taller man’s jaw. Harry shivered and glanced down at his husband’s blue eyes that were dark with desire. He knew exactly what Louis was hinting at. This was a pretty common method of celebration between the couple, from birthdays and anniversaries to promotions and pay raises. When something big happened, they took the time to celebrate together. Harry nodded, his eyebrow raising a bit and the corner of his mouth rising into a smirk.

“I suppose we could make a little time,” he giggled as Louis took his hand, not-so-gently leading him up to the bedroom.


End file.
